30 September 2010

Prayer: In good and bad

My Lord and God,
As you love us, I ask that I love those around me the same. I know my heart is not always in the best place, as right now a cloud of sorrow blankets the ray of joy that you have placed there. I ask that I may be able to love and show forgiveness and mercy as you have shown it to us.

I wish I could tell you that I’m a fine, but I’m not. I’m fighting thoughts of self-hate, and they are strong right now. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I never thought I could love as I do now, and for some reason, I hate that I do. It’s different this time. I wish I could see retribution as I did before. I wish I could just let go and move on. I wish I could hate as I used to. But I cannot. I cannot move myself to do it anymore. I prefer to love and to forgive, and to move on from what happens. That’s why I hate myself, because I want to feel one way, and I hate that I want that. I hate that I want the “old” instead of the new. I hate that I think it’d be better that. I hate and despise myself for thinking and feeling that way, and I need you so much right now to tell me that is not the case.

I ask for your strength and wisdom, my God. Let my heart shine as before, and let this cloud of sorrow be lifted. I wish not to be the man I once was, but the man that I’m becoming. I pray that my old demons finally be let go and I can move on from the past that has tried to come back to me. I pray that what I used to do no longer applies to my current life. I ask and pray that I can be the man that you are creating in me, and that I can finally be able to love him with all my heart, even if it means we are friends. I pray that this friendship that was forged with a love pure and true, a love that was planted by you in us, to be the ultimate source of love for us. I pray we can become stronger in all of this, and that no matter what, we will be the greatest of friends first as you have destined something for us that only you can see, and we need to wait for.

I pray that our hearts be for you first, and for each other last, as we are first the love of Christ to others around us. I pray that my past is longer my present, and no longer my future. I pray that you give us the love and support that we need to succeed. He is the one I love, and I and I pray that we continue to lift each other in love and support to your altar of mercy and grace. I pray that my heart be full of light once again, and that this shroud of sorrow be lifted and cast away. It has no place in a heart full of your love. It has no place within me. Not for this time.

May our hearts be pure, and may our love always shine. I pray that you keep us safe and out of harm and temptation. I pray that if we transgress we can seek yours, and each other’s, forgiveness, grace, and mercy, for it as you love us, despite our faults and trespasses, we will ove one another. May our hearts be like that of your servant, David, as he sought you, and knew he had a place despite his faults. May we be lifted always in love and compassion. May we always see your love and light in all that we encounter for all our lives.

In your Son’s holy name I pray these words,

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