06 September 2010

Losing Hope

When I see those who are a little bitter because of a lack of love, my first instinct is not to tell them, "Don't fret. Chin up. Don't lose hope." Rather it's, "Don't become like me."

It's hard to admit that in love, I've lost all hope, but it has happened. I saw that almost everyone I pursued I began to be just their friend. I never was more than that. I've been called a sweetheart, nice, kind, and even an angel. It only solidified the friendship we already had and shared. It never made it into something more.

In the end, I just accepted that I could not be loved to that extent, both because those that I felt that way for could not reciprocate, and the very few (and I do mean the very few) that felt that for me I could not feel the same. Romantic love was not meant for me. I realized that I was a really great friend, but I'd never be a boyfriend, a husband, and much less, a lover. I'd be a "great friend."

I just began accepting that, and now, I can't see myself partnered. Hope has died. It is gone. I'm finally able to come to terms with it, but even then, I fear for those who feel the same way. Losing hope can be dangerous, especially if there is not something else to hold on to. I was fortunate that I had hope for something better in my life. If it wasn't for that, depression and desperation would've set in.

I always hope that others can find what they are seeking, but never for them to become like me. It is a hard path, and it is something that I have taken years to finally be at peace with. It has become a part of my journey, and even then, it's taken with caution.

Be blessed, friends.

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