Safety

I used to live safely in the confines
Of my heart, never needing anyone
To feel fine, but my lonely heart still pined
In silence for the man who had me won.
As the fair Rapunzel in her tower,
So was my heart in it's box with no key.
My past loves had left me bitter and sour,
With my heart an innocent casualty.
Then came love from such a far away place,
And my box was not opened, but broken
Into so a new love could fill the space
That was there all along but unspoken.
I know that it is not safe to be out,
But it's the risk I'll take without a doubt.

Prayer: If I should...

If I should be destined to be single all my life, I ask that you give me the strength to be a man of virtue and integrity. I ask that I can remain abstinent and not engage in sexual pursuits with others or myself. I ask that I can still provide hope, faith, and love to those that still seek to have someone in their life, and to be a source of encouragement to them always. I ask that my life is dedicated to you in holy service, and that I may be a beacon of light to those around me.

Yet, if I should be destined to be partnered, then I pray that we both be strong men of virtue and integrity. I ask that we seek you in our lives, regardless of our faith or religion. I ask that we can respect each other. I ask that he is protected and guarded from harm. I pray that we will be able to speak to each other in both good and bad times. I pray that we're trusting of each other if distance keeps us apart. I pray that we are first and foremost your servants, and that we can always serve a greater purpose for you.

I pray that this, my third and final incarnation of love, is given wholly and rightly to him:
My Beloved
My Love
My Husband
My One and Only
My Dear
My Friend
My Lover

Keep me sexually pure so that he can have all my heart, body, soul, and spirit. Yet, if either of us should give to temptation, then allow us to forgive one another, and that we can still be together. Let him know I love him, and that I wait for him. Let him know he already has my heart, and that I am his.

I pray this and more, with my spirit speaking the words I cannot say.

Amen

Sonnet: I Want To Fall

I want to fall in love with you, my dear,
But I am so scared of what could happen.
I know I have nothing at all to fear
As you will be there again and again.
I know we are just friends with a pure love
That has been sent from the heavens with care.
I know we may hit the ceiling above
And see each other as only friends would dare.
But, I can't be afraid of what's untold.
I can't shy away from the unspoken
Future and it's uncertainties so bold.
I must stand or our love will be broken.
I want to say that my heart is taken
By you, and leave behind fear forsaken.

Sonnet: It's Best

I wish there could be something there beyond
Simple fraternal love. I wish our words
Were deeper in feeling, making a bond
That could only be broken by the Lord.
I wish there existed not great romance
So it'd be easier to know we're friends.
I wish love did not have this song and dance
So I could know when one begins and ends.
I see it best to be two and not one
Heart, body, soul. We'd be better always
When I can hear your joy shine as the sun
Instead of something more all of our days.
Though my wish will just be a fantasy,
Our friendship's a lovely reality.

Sonnet: Facade

Breaking down the walls, tearing up the masques,
The myst'ry must die; the enigma leave.
To be as the great phoenix is my task:
Reborn and revived, finally relieved.
Love is my armor; the truth is my sword;
My heart's wounds are ready to bleed again.
Tears will fall and smiles will flash with my words,
But fear will not have in me a domain.
The facade's ending; all you'll see is me
Out from hiding, I'll show you who I am.
I'm becoming the man I want to be,
And in this journey, will you take my hand?
Free from being fake, I'm ready to deal
With the path ahead being me and real.

Sonnet: I HATE YOU!!!

I was fine being miserable and
Not wanting anything to do with love.
I was fine as the unhappy and scorned
Bitch that wallowed in my self-misery.
I was good having no one holding my hand
Walking in the rain falling from above.
My fictitious smile hid the fact I mourned
The loss of love and built walls of myst'ry.
Then you showed up, the gentle, smiling brand
Of guy that was sent from Heaven above.
You broke my walls, and instead, did adorn
It with hope and faith that had been reborn.
I hate you for interrupting my life,
But I love you more for this love so rife.

Sonnet: Would You?

Would take me for who I am, my friend,
Or would it be better to keep the masque?
Could I drop the facade and not pretend
To be someone that's not e'en in my past?
Would it be okay that I am more femme
Than other gay men, and not butch or "straight"?
Is it fine that I am not toned like them,
But will always be fat and overweight?
Can you see I'll ne'er be such a cutie,
Only a pathetic Average Joe?
Would you take me as I am with duty,
Or would pity be why you'd take me so?
This is my fear; why I choose singleness.
Would you have me, e'en with my weaknesses?