Sonnet: Marriage Night

I want to hold you and make love to you again

To know that I am your prince and you are my king.

I wish we could kiss all the night without complaints

As you hold my hand that contains our wedding ring.

I cuddle right next to you, hearing your heart beat,

And feeling your breath against the top of my head.

You bring me up to share a kiss tender and sweet

As our bodies are wrapped atop our marriage bed.

You are my husband, as I am forever yours,

And I’ll always love you until the end of time.

I close my eyes, think of you, the man I adore,

As our young love grows, culminating to its prime.

I can’t help but smile on this, our first night together,

Knowing you love me, as I you, now and fore’er.

Prayer: In good and bad

My Lord and God,
As you love us, I ask that I love those around me the same. I know my heart is not always in the best place, as right now a cloud of sorrow blankets the ray of joy that you have placed there. I ask that I may be able to love and show forgiveness and mercy as you have shown it to us.

I wish I could tell you that I’m a fine, but I’m not. I’m fighting thoughts of self-hate, and they are strong right now. I know that I shouldn’t feel this way, but I never thought I could love as I do now, and for some reason, I hate that I do. It’s different this time. I wish I could see retribution as I did before. I wish I could just let go and move on. I wish I could hate as I used to. But I cannot. I cannot move myself to do it anymore. I prefer to love and to forgive, and to move on from what happens. That’s why I hate myself, because I want to feel one way, and I hate that I want that. I hate that I want the “old” instead of the new. I hate that I think it’d be better that. I hate and despise myself for thinking and feeling that way, and I need you so much right now to tell me that is not the case.

I ask for your strength and wisdom, my God. Let my heart shine as before, and let this cloud of sorrow be lifted. I wish not to be the man I once was, but the man that I’m becoming. I pray that my old demons finally be let go and I can move on from the past that has tried to come back to me. I pray that what I used to do no longer applies to my current life. I ask and pray that I can be the man that you are creating in me, and that I can finally be able to love him with all my heart, even if it means we are friends. I pray that this friendship that was forged with a love pure and true, a love that was planted by you in us, to be the ultimate source of love for us. I pray we can become stronger in all of this, and that no matter what, we will be the greatest of friends first as you have destined something for us that only you can see, and we need to wait for.

I pray that our hearts be for you first, and for each other last, as we are first the love of Christ to others around us. I pray that my past is longer my present, and no longer my future. I pray that you give us the love and support that we need to succeed. He is the one I love, and I and I pray that we continue to lift each other in love and support to your altar of mercy and grace. I pray that my heart be full of light once again, and that this shroud of sorrow be lifted and cast away. It has no place in a heart full of your love. It has no place within me. Not for this time.

May our hearts be pure, and may our love always shine. I pray that you keep us safe and out of harm and temptation. I pray that if we transgress we can seek yours, and each other’s, forgiveness, grace, and mercy, for it as you love us, despite our faults and trespasses, we will ove one another. May our hearts be like that of your servant, David, as he sought you, and knew he had a place despite his faults. May we be lifted always in love and compassion. May we always see your love and light in all that we encounter for all our lives.

In your Son’s holy name I pray these words,
Amen

Sonnet: Safety

I used to live safely in the confines
Of my heart, never needing anyone
To feel fine, but my lonely heart still pined
In silence for the man who had me won.
As the fair Rapunzel in her tower,
So was my heart in it's box with no key.
My past loves had left me bitter and sour,
With my heart an innocent casualty.
Then came love from such a far away place,
And my box was not opened, but broken
Into so a new love could fill the space
That was there all along but unspoken.
I know that it is not safe to be out,
But it's the risk I'll take without a doubt.

Safety

I used to live safely in the confines
Of my heart, never needing anyone
To feel fine, but my lonely heart still pined
In silence for the man who had me won.
As the fair Rapunzel in her tower,
So was my heart in it's box with no key.
My past loves had left me bitter and sour,
With my heart an innocent casualty.
Then came love from such a far away place,
And my box was not opened, but broken
Into so a new love could fill the space
That was there all along but unspoken.
I know that it is not safe to be out,
But it's the risk I'll take without a doubt.

Prayer: If I should...

If I should be destined to be single all my life, I ask that you give me the strength to be a man of virtue and integrity. I ask that I can remain abstinent and not engage in sexual pursuits with others or myself. I ask that I can still provide hope, faith, and love to those that still seek to have someone in their life, and to be a source of encouragement to them always. I ask that my life is dedicated to you in holy service, and that I may be a beacon of light to those around me.

Yet, if I should be destined to be partnered, then I pray that we both be strong men of virtue and integrity. I ask that we seek you in our lives, regardless of our faith or religion. I ask that we can respect each other. I ask that he is protected and guarded from harm. I pray that we will be able to speak to each other in both good and bad times. I pray that we're trusting of each other if distance keeps us apart. I pray that we are first and foremost your servants, and that we can always serve a greater purpose for you.

I pray that this, my third and final incarnation of love, is given wholly and rightly to him:
My Beloved
My Love
My Husband
My One and Only
My Dear
My Friend
My Lover

Keep me sexually pure so that he can have all my heart, body, soul, and spirit. Yet, if either of us should give to temptation, then allow us to forgive one another, and that we can still be together. Let him know I love him, and that I wait for him. Let him know he already has my heart, and that I am his.

I pray this and more, with my spirit speaking the words I cannot say.

Amen

Sonnet: I Want To Fall

I want to fall in love with you, my dear,
But I am so scared of what could happen.
I know I have nothing at all to fear
As you will be there again and again.
I know we are just friends with a pure love
That has been sent from the heavens with care.
I know we may hit the ceiling above
And see each other as only friends would dare.
But, I can't be afraid of what's untold.
I can't shy away from the unspoken
Future and it's uncertainties so bold.
I must stand or our love will be broken.
I want to say that my heart is taken
By you, and leave behind fear forsaken.

Sonnet: It's Best

I wish there could be something there beyond
Simple fraternal love. I wish our words
Were deeper in feeling, making a bond
That could only be broken by the Lord.
I wish there existed not great romance
So it'd be easier to know we're friends.
I wish love did not have this song and dance
So I could know when one begins and ends.
I see it best to be two and not one
Heart, body, soul. We'd be better always
When I can hear your joy shine as the sun
Instead of something more all of our days.
Though my wish will just be a fantasy,
Our friendship's a lovely reality.