Sonnet: It's Best

I wish there could be something there beyond
Simple fraternal love. I wish our words
Were deeper in feeling, making a bond
That could only be broken by the Lord.
I wish there existed not great romance
So it'd be easier to know we're friends.
I wish love did not have this song and dance
So I could know when one begins and ends.
I see it best to be two and not one
Heart, body, soul. We'd be better always
When I can hear your joy shine as the sun
Instead of something more all of our days.
Though my wish will just be a fantasy,
Our friendship's a lovely reality.

Sonnet: Facade

Breaking down the walls, tearing up the masques,
The myst'ry must die; the enigma leave.
To be as the great phoenix is my task:
Reborn and revived, finally relieved.
Love is my armor; the truth is my sword;
My heart's wounds are ready to bleed again.
Tears will fall and smiles will flash with my words,
But fear will not have in me a domain.
The facade's ending; all you'll see is me
Out from hiding, I'll show you who I am.
I'm becoming the man I want to be,
And in this journey, will you take my hand?
Free from being fake, I'm ready to deal
With the path ahead being me and real.

Sonnet: I HATE YOU!!!

I was fine being miserable and
Not wanting anything to do with love.
I was fine as the unhappy and scorned
Bitch that wallowed in my self-misery.
I was good having no one holding my hand
Walking in the rain falling from above.
My fictitious smile hid the fact I mourned
The loss of love and built walls of myst'ry.
Then you showed up, the gentle, smiling brand
Of guy that was sent from Heaven above.
You broke my walls, and instead, did adorn
It with hope and faith that had been reborn.
I hate you for interrupting my life,
But I love you more for this love so rife.

Sonnet: Would You?

Would take me for who I am, my friend,
Or would it be better to keep the masque?
Could I drop the facade and not pretend
To be someone that's not e'en in my past?
Would it be okay that I am more femme
Than other gay men, and not butch or "straight"?
Is it fine that I am not toned like them,
But will always be fat and overweight?
Can you see I'll ne'er be such a cutie,
Only a pathetic Average Joe?
Would you take me as I am with duty,
Or would pity be why you'd take me so?
This is my fear; why I choose singleness.
Would you have me, e'en with my weaknesses?

Sonnet: Reborn

Dedicated to a friend who showed me there can still be hope. :)

You renewed my hope that love does exist,
Though I still doubt that it exists for me.
You showed me that hope will always persist,
E'en when I think that it's gone completely.
You made my heart like the phoenix, reborn
From the ashes of despair and sadness.
Buried deep inside and allowed to mourn,
You came and gave it life, better than best.
Reborn am I, with love that's taken root
In a void needing to be filled. The plant
Is fed with both my loves, bearing sweet fruit
That I will share with you if you so grant.
My heart has been renewed, all thanks to you.
You can have my heart if God wills it true.

Losing Hope

When I see those who are a little bitter because of a lack of love, my first instinct is not to tell them, "Don't fret. Chin up. Don't lose hope." Rather it's, "Don't become like me."

It's hard to admit that in love, I've lost all hope, but it has happened. I saw that almost everyone I pursued I began to be just their friend. I never was more than that. I've been called a sweetheart, nice, kind, and even an angel. It only solidified the friendship we already had and shared. It never made it into something more.

In the end, I just accepted that I could not be loved to that extent, both because those that I felt that way for could not reciprocate, and the very few (and I do mean the very few) that felt that for me I could not feel the same. Romantic love was not meant for me. I realized that I was a really great friend, but I'd never be a boyfriend, a husband, and much less, a lover. I'd be a "great friend."

I just began accepting that, and now, I can't see myself partnered. Hope has died. It is gone. I'm finally able to come to terms with it, but even then, I fear for those who feel the same way. Losing hope can be dangerous, especially if there is not something else to hold on to. I was fortunate that I had hope for something better in my life. If it wasn't for that, depression and desperation would've set in.

I always hope that others can find what they are seeking, but never for them to become like me. It is a hard path, and it is something that I have taken years to finally be at peace with. It has become a part of my journey, and even then, it's taken with caution.

Be blessed, friends.

Sonnet: I'll hold you

I'll hold you in my arms, and ne'er let go.
Let us be as hands praying to the Lord
In Heav'n above, clasped together with a
Faith that can only be shared between us.
I'm the lonely owl, and you, the sparrow,
For the night is mine, and the morn is yours.
Unlike lovers we are with love so great
That together, we become dawn and dusk.
Today's ending; I smile for the morrow,
For you whisper three simple, but true words
In my ear. You chose me with love, not fate,
And now we are bound with joy, hope, and trust.
I'm glad you became my lover and friend;
Two have become one 'til the very end.