Sonnet: Reborn

Dedicated to a friend who showed me there can still be hope. :)

You renewed my hope that love does exist,
Though I still doubt that it exists for me.
You showed me that hope will always persist,
E'en when I think that it's gone completely.
You made my heart like the phoenix, reborn
From the ashes of despair and sadness.
Buried deep inside and allowed to mourn,
You came and gave it life, better than best.
Reborn am I, with love that's taken root
In a void needing to be filled. The plant
Is fed with both my loves, bearing sweet fruit
That I will share with you if you so grant.
My heart has been renewed, all thanks to you.
You can have my heart if God wills it true.

Losing Hope

When I see those who are a little bitter because of a lack of love, my first instinct is not to tell them, "Don't fret. Chin up. Don't lose hope." Rather it's, "Don't become like me."

It's hard to admit that in love, I've lost all hope, but it has happened. I saw that almost everyone I pursued I began to be just their friend. I never was more than that. I've been called a sweetheart, nice, kind, and even an angel. It only solidified the friendship we already had and shared. It never made it into something more.

In the end, I just accepted that I could not be loved to that extent, both because those that I felt that way for could not reciprocate, and the very few (and I do mean the very few) that felt that for me I could not feel the same. Romantic love was not meant for me. I realized that I was a really great friend, but I'd never be a boyfriend, a husband, and much less, a lover. I'd be a "great friend."

I just began accepting that, and now, I can't see myself partnered. Hope has died. It is gone. I'm finally able to come to terms with it, but even then, I fear for those who feel the same way. Losing hope can be dangerous, especially if there is not something else to hold on to. I was fortunate that I had hope for something better in my life. If it wasn't for that, depression and desperation would've set in.

I always hope that others can find what they are seeking, but never for them to become like me. It is a hard path, and it is something that I have taken years to finally be at peace with. It has become a part of my journey, and even then, it's taken with caution.

Be blessed, friends.

Sonnet: I'll hold you

I'll hold you in my arms, and ne'er let go.
Let us be as hands praying to the Lord
In Heav'n above, clasped together with a
Faith that can only be shared between us.
I'm the lonely owl, and you, the sparrow,
For the night is mine, and the morn is yours.
Unlike lovers we are with love so great
That together, we become dawn and dusk.
Today's ending; I smile for the morrow,
For you whisper three simple, but true words
In my ear. You chose me with love, not fate,
And now we are bound with joy, hope, and trust.
I'm glad you became my lover and friend;
Two have become one 'til the very end.

What once was (poem)

I've thought of the when I said goodbye
To the love I had for you, and seeing that
It was the best thing to do for me and you.

I know time will heal the wound that remains
On my heart, and the scar will show what you
Meant to me in the years past with clarity.

You were the one I called Beloved, the man
I waited to have with every once of my being,
The one I gave my heart to without knowing.

Then, in a sudden twist of fate, I needed to say
Goodbye to the hopes and dreams I had for us.
I needed to let go of what I held on to for years.

Now, your name is given to another, a friend
Whom I love so dearly, but will only be a friend
Instead of the One I waited for as I've for you.

I wish I could give you my heart again, but it
Would be to no avail. The fairy tale ended
As it began, with me alone, and you a vapor.

Poem Post: Burden

Burden

What do we see when we gaze upon a mirror?

The desires of a man hidden deep in his eyes.

What do we see when we look into his soul?

His greatest wishes covered with little lies.

His heart is heavy and his spirit burdened

With a weight that is his alone to carry.

He refuses to give up, and thus presses on

To a place that is more joyous and merry.

His eyes are tired and want to rest and sleep

From all the things he has wanted to see.

He looks up to the stars, and with a gasp,

He wonders who else sees them besides he.

He lies his head upon the grass, dreaming

Of a time when he’ll finally be laid to rest.

As he closes his eyes, he only breaks a smile,

Knowing that today’s not close to the best.

----Manny Reyes

POEM: Goodbye

My heart was torn saying goodbye,

But I know it was for the best.

We could not wait for a day

That was never meant to be.

You were but a dream with

My hopes and desires.

The only thought that'll

Ne'er come to fruition.

I wished for the day when we

Would be together, holding

On a hope that I waited

To be always fulfilled.

Then, I saw that you were

Only my dream, a thought

That only lived inside

Of my fragile heart.

My call is different from

What I thought it would be.

I see now that there could

Never be a you and me.

So I bid you goodbye and

Farewell, my only Beloved

Wishing you the best

In the arms of another.

----Manny Reyes

Love, Beauty, and Companionship

An online friend posited this: if you could only choose between love, beauty, and companionship, which two would you want in a relationship? This was my response.

I have learned that the ability to love is very strong, but we tend to figure out how to categorize love in ways that sometimes, at least for me, do not make sense.

I see in my life the ability to love blindly without regard to seeing if something more can be created from that love. If I can interact with you, talk to you, or even just say hi, the potential to love you is there. For me, this is how one shows they can love as Christ loves us (to an extent). For me, love, in all it's forms that we have placed it in, is still love. However, what differentiates love from one person to the next is the importance that we place on the love for that person. That is different, and thus, we treat them accordingly.

So going with that, I find it very hard not to have companionship without love. Since the inherent feeling of wanting someone in your life is love, it is impossible to divorce the concept of companionship from love. You cannot have one without the other.

The difference, however, that I place is that one need not be in a committed relationship to have companionship. For me, companionship is essentially allowing one or more people that you love deeply to be able to witness your life unfold. They may experience all or parts of it, depending on how close you are to them. I would love to have someone that sees my life to be my partner, but that is not necessary. Rather, I prefer to just have companions in my life. I prefer to have many people witness how I am growing and developing as a human being and a child of God, and vice versa. If in the process, something else develops, then that is fine, but that is not the goal.

Now as for beauty, it is something that I don't care about at all. Physical attraction is usually the initial reason many go pursue a person. I don't. If the first reaction I have is, "That guy is is [insert physical description here]," then I treat him as someone nice to look at, but nothing more. If the first reaction is "That guy is [insert intellectual description here]," then he has my attention. The physical does not happen until much later, and that is usually after a strong mental and emotional connection has been made.

So, for me, companionship and love are essential. Beauty is not.